


Crazy Bot Person

by druswriting



Series: Rhodeytony month [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Small Town, Grief/Mourning, Insanity, Kid Fic, Loneliness, M/M, Philosophy, Small Towns, Sort Of, Town Crazy Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:26:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27409546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/druswriting/pseuds/druswriting
Summary: Before Rhodey met him, the image he had of Tony Stark was this: he was a lonely man living on the far, remote edge of the town, isolated so much that he was driven to insanity. His possible hobbies were either witchcraft or robotics or both or a hobby that mashed both together. He had a child-sized possibly living robot that he treated like a son. He was charming and funny, but his smile was always a little inhuman. He didn’t connect with the town’s people like the rest. He was too much for them.
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Tony Stark
Series: Rhodeytony month [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2002558
Comments: 10
Kudos: 63





	Crazy Bot Person

**Author's Note:**

> For rhodeytony month fanwork Friday:   
> -New beginnings.   
> -Picnics.   
> I thought maybe I would skip this Friday because I didn't have an idea that I liked (my only thought was a wedding and I hate wedding fics) but then I was like wait. What if I wrote the only Irondad I liked + Lila + suburban Rhodeytony with a sprinkle of philosophy on top. So. Yeah. I posted the shortest story I ever posted on ao3.

Rhodey has heard about Tony Stark of course. No one could move to Arcton without hearing about him. The first thing he knew when he made small talk over the neighbor’s arranged welcome wagon. He was the town’s crazy spinster. The number one person to mock, to gossip about, to have rumors flow about him. 

Before Rhodey met him, the image he had of Tony Stark was this: he was a lonely man living on the far, remote edge of the town, isolated so much that he was driven to insanity. His possible hobbies were either witchcraft or robotics or both or a hobby that mashed both together. He had a child-sized possibly living robot that he treated like a son. He was charming and funny, but his smile was always a little inhuman. He didn’t connect with the town’s people like the rest. He was too much for them. 

Rhodey tried not to judge him. He didn’t really think of him too much, too busy with moving and getting Lila to settle into a new school and new environment, but when he did think of him, he thought the town’s people’s claims seemed outlandish. So Rhodey tried not to believe them and to let the man have the benefit of the doubt. 

“Do as you wish,” the people told him, “he’ll show up soon enough and prove it to you.” 

It took a while, but show up Tony Stark did. 

It was three weeks into Rhodey and Lila moving in. They were both in better moods. The pain of grief was still evident in both of them, but they were finally moved in, and they finally felt like celebrating the beautiful weather outside. So they went to the town’s Easter festival. 

It was fun for both of them. Rhodey got to hang back, chat with his neighbors, while Lila ran along with the kids, searching for colorful eggs. The food was good, the activities were fun, and the conversation was better in the sense he was finally talking to adults, so they had fun. 

And then Tony Stark showed up.

He carried a smile on his face and a robot’s claw was clutched in his hand. He was speaking happily to the robot while it seemed to move with him slowly. Stark didn’t seem too bothered by all the town’s immediate stares, setting down a picnic blanket on the grass and opening up a picnic basket. He acted as if he was the only one in the world. Just him and his robot. 

Rhodey felt hesitant glances on him, as everyone watched for his next move. He felt that a couple of people were waiting to say “I told you so” to him. 

But Rhodey was petty. He wanted to give the benefit of a doubt to a stranger. He didn’t want the town to tell him how they were right. So, based on his pettiness, kindness, and love for robots, Rhodey glared back at the town and went to offer his hand to Tony Stark. 

“Hey,” he told him, a radiant smile on his face, “you must be Tony Stark. I heard a lot about you. I think you’re the only one in the town I haven’t met. Not very many people to meet, though, huh?”

Stark seemed to snap out of his own little world, looking up to him with surprise, as a beautiful grin cracked his face. “Oh. Hi.” 

Rhodey let his hand drop, realizing Stark wasn’t going to shake it. “I’m James Rhodes,” he said.

“That’s nice,” Stark responded, “I’m not going to call you that.”

Rhodey let out an amused smile, “then what are you going to call me?” 

Tony tipped his head to the side, as if in thought, “depends on if you’re nice.” 

Rhodey smiled, “well, my nickname is Jim.” 

“That’s better,” Tony pulled Rhodey down to sit by his hand, “but not enough.” 

Rhodey sat down next to Tony happily making himself comfortable, “I have to say, you’re very intriguing. Heard lots about you. Enough to memorize your name. But not your robot’s name.” 

Tony shook his head, disapproving, “yeah. This town is obsessed with me. Not enough to respect my son’s name, though. It’s DUM-E.” 

“Nice to me you, Dummy,” Rhodey pats the robot's head’. To Rhodey’s surprise and delight, the robot beeps happily, almost like a cat. 

Tony smiles at him, playful and happy, and a bit stunned. It isn’t like any other smile Rhodey’s seen before. It’s a bit… inhuman, but in a good way. Like Rhodey has met a god, an angel. Or maybe the rumors about sorcery are true. 

Either way, Rhodey thinks he has never seen a better sight.

~~~

Lila likes DUM-E. Rhodey isn’t sure if she likes him as a friend, a toy, or an engineering marvel, but she likes DUM-E. So, “for the kids” Tony and Rhodey arrange a playdate. 

And Lila… Rhodey has never seen her smile so happily. Her mom’s very recent death has been weighing on the five-year-old, the loss of his sister weighing down on him as well. She didn’t make very many friends in Arcton and didn’t have very many friends back in Philly to write to. Rhodey’s usually cheery and talkative niece has become uncharacteristically quiet and sad. It broke Rhodey’s heart. But since meeting Tony Stark they found a smile was back on both their faces. 

“I’m glad DUM-E has a friend,” Tony told him as they watched the kids play, “he gets so lonely in the lake house. I try my best, but being a single parent is hard, y’know? The other kids don’t like him. They push him, they call him names. I’m just… just glad.” 

It would have been weird to hear Tony speak of his robot as if he was his actual son, if not for the emotion laced in his speech. He never sounded more human than when he was interacting with DUM-E. Relationships, humans, conversations, and common sense were clearly hard concepts for Tony to grasp, but with his robot, Tony was just a human. He was just a father. He cooed at his kid and scolded his kid and laughed because of his kid and lived with his kid.

“Yeah,” Rhodey said, gravitating closer towards Tony, “I’m happy too. Lila was having a hard time since Jeanette died.” 

Tony raised an eyebrow, “Jeanette was…?” 

“Her mother,” Rhodey explained and gulped before adding, “my sister.” 

Tony let out a breathy ‘oh’. “I’m sorry,” Tony told him, “I thought you were divorced. I didn’t realize…” 

“It’s okay,” Rhodey told him. 

“But it doesn’t have to be,” Tony reminded him, “I’m here if you ever need to talk.” 

Rhodey looked at him, a little thrown off but more grateful, “thanks, Tones,” he said, and then added, because he knew Tony was probably more than a little lonely, “you too.” 

~~~

It’s easier to fall for Tony than anyone thinks it would be. It’s not like Tony doesn’t scare him sometimes by how inhuman he is. How crazy he can be. How it’s so clear he hasn’t talked to anyone but DUM-E for a while. He gets a little manic sometimes when he’s over a workshop binge. And his smiles, his touches, his presence, it has a sort of ice to it. But Tony’s also kind. And Smart. And interesting. And goddamn gorgeous. He is eyes locked on the most complicated math problem Rhodey has seen while complementing Rhodey on being able to help and a concentrated tongue sweeping over his bottom lip. He’s an angel. Rhodey’s sure he’s an angel. 

“I’m not crazy, you know,” Tony tells him, “I’m not. Not matter what they say, no matter what you secretly think… I’m not. I know DUM-E isn’t…. You know. That he’s before the stage where Pinocchio becomes a real boy. But I coded him, honeybear. I know every single bit of him intimately. Like a father knows a son. I know every one of his ticks and tells and can predict what he’s going to do next. And. I think that makes him human. I mean, people would say that’s exactly what makes him not human but a robot because we can’t know the brain. We can’t know a person that well. But I disagree. Him I understand. Other humans? Not so much.” 

Rhodey smiles at him, “I know. I know you’re not crazy, Tones. You’re just lonely.” 

“I’m not,” Tony objects, “I have DUM-E.” 

“Yeah. And you also have me and Lila. You have humans too.” 

~~~

It takes Lila and DUM-E locking them in a closet for them to finally kiss. And oh, kissing Tony feels like kissing an angel. 

~~~

The next robot they make together. They call it U. Because “it’s you”. Lila and DUM-E are ecstatic about getting a new sibling. Tony and Rhodey send a birth announcement when U is born, and no one shows up to the baby shower. 

Rhodey smiles, “guess we’re the town’s crazy couple now.” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Leave a kudos if you did and if you want to tell me what you enjoyed, you're free to comment.


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